I've been reading a lot about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) lately. I really had no idea the things I were feeling could be categorized into a disorder, but after my extensive reading, I realize I'm not alone in these feelings. Some of the things I have been experiencing include:

* Flashbacks where I actually re-experience my car accident

*Nightmares & illusions

*Sudden outbursts of grief, fear & anger

*I have trouble finding joy in things that I used to love doing

*Irritability

*Insomnia

*Inability to concentrate

It's hard for someone who hasn't gone through severe trauma to even comprehend what I'm going through. I have tried to explain to Rich that I just don't feel like "me" anymore. Apparently that is normal for someone suffering from PTSD. It's like a part of me was lost during my accident. I almost feel as if now I'm searching for a greater meaning in life. That sounds weird, but I don't know how else to explain it. Everyday tasks seem un-important to me.

My goal for next week is to find a doctor and determine if, in fact, I am suffering from PTSD. Also, I'd like to find a support group for trauma survivors. Anywhere where I can talk about what happened. It will be hard to confront all of the memories, but I feel this is an important step.

A link about PTSD and Effects of Trauma if you wanna read a little more about it.

I realize I'm a survivor and I'm thankful every day for that.